Friday, June 5, 2009

#102: foot soldier w/ sprained ankle looking for work

I was on ESPN and looking at sports highlights. After I watched all the desirable highlights I noticed that ESPN and the Discovery Channel were related so I threw on some Discovery Channel highlights.

I fell asleep to 9 episodes of "Journey to the Edge of the Universe" which talked about how minuscule the Earth was (I knew this) and that when the sun died out we would all die (I also knew this). However it delved deeper and discussed that other planets and gas clouds and crazy shit were fueling the sun. Anyways, it was good to fall asleep to the narrator... has a good voice.

Where in the World is LPB?

She needs to come and keep me grounded, these posts are becoming too experimental with the fonts, out of this world topics, and VHS RIPS.

Monday, June 1, 2009

#101: Scissors is a dickhead, not me

I know "#delayed number 4" doesn't even make sense. Secondly I was watching TSN Worlds Best Speller in the Whole World (The annual spelling bee contest that always plays during NHL and NBA playoffs), and I spelt this world correctly:


Man, it was a final 20 word. Impressive.

Goombay is a form of Bahamian music and a drum used to create it. Its most famous practitioner in modern times was Alphonso 'Blind Blake' Higgs ...
I searched Goombay on youtube and this was the highest viewed video. It beat out number 2 by 4000 votes, impressive.

Alright, so I wish Goombay music was a little more, more... more. Fuck. This is what happens when I don't blog enough, I don't know what words to use to express myself.

Here are some photographs to back up the shit I have been talking about the past few posts.

Bombing hills at 2AM

Going to MTL to mess with chicks and get my MBP back

Can you spot the nerd in this picture?

So I went to make a post about Rock Paper Scissors when I realized, what the dick? Why do you get more than 1 pair of scissors while everyone is throwing one rock or one paper?

To resolve this I am going to make a FAIR poll about Rocks Papers and Scissors. Consider this one of those lame psychology tests that your friends always make you do for their psych projects. These are often sent in the form of secret messages and groups on facebook.

However, contrary to using this fucking information for school, I'm going to use this (information) to my advantage when playing people at Rocks Papers and fucking Scissor (how do you like that Scissors, you like it when you only have one when everyone else gets two? Dick), whether it be for a game of SKATE, your rocking chair, first pick at girls, candy canes, make out sessions, or whatever. I just want to win and be good at this game.

Searched: "big ass rock"

Searched: "worlds largest piece of paper"

Searched: "edward scissorhands cutting dog screen cap"*

Fun fact: This is the second time Edward Scissorhands has appeared on our blog.
Fun fact 2: Here is the first appearance

*Fuck, I made the mistake (or benefit/success/good whatever the antonym of mistake is) of searching "fucking scissors" in google. Try this, it's hilarious.

Monday, May 25, 2009

#delayed number 3

Sorry officer, I'm high... from skateboarding.

LPB, I think I have some pretty notorious late night texts. Or maybe only to girls that I like to harass (this is not good).
Tonight (or last night depending when I post this) I went skating.

Not just skating and doing tricks but riding. I took the ol' wood to the Trafalgar hill the windy one, riding down I 'yipeed'. When was the last time you yipeed?

I must have ridden down those hills half a dozen of times before my legs couldn't take me up the slope.
I sat down on the sidewalk and I saw again, the number of the night, half a dozen cop cars. One stopped and questioned my motives but I came away scot free from the Man again.

I stretched out my legs, closed my eyes, the song on my iPod changed, and as I opened them time and the world had stopped. Or... No one traveled down Speers for a while and lamp posts don't move, so it is hard to judge. But to me, it felt like time had stopped and I was sitting at the edge of the world, legs swinging. That's how I want to live my life.

Skating cleared my head, I figured out what was to happen with several things that had been clouding my mind recently, like:
  1. How to get my dream armchair from the Snoops place downtown Oakville
  2. What to do about school
  3. What to do about work
  4. What to do about Andrea
  5. What to do about 'Life.' (This looks really stupid unless you know what Life. is)
Life. I have something SICK cooking and you were my inspiration. I can't exactly reveal it now but when we meet in the park in person I'll tell you all about it. But for sure the information will be released on TPOT shortly as soon as I get some details worked out.

Love from Pinegrove Rd,

Tam Bowl

P.S Are you going to make a video post of you yipeeing? This would be hilarioius, maybe get Val and Paul in it too. Tooo funny.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

#delayed number 2

What's going on?

I mean, you gotta have love right?

I'm going to Montreal in a few days to go grab my Macbook and then we'll be able to start this up again. I also have a camera so it'll be a lot more interesting than the first picture that shows up on Google Image Search when I search for "Birds with Arms" or "Girls with money". Anyways this Lupe (First annnnddd Fifteen!) <--- Wow that was fucking lame, this Lupe song is my song of summer, every summer. Dig this AOL sessions. Box, your favourite asians blog is coming back baby.
Kelsbaby, when's the next singles party?

LaurHT, please?

Tony, who's a great man?

Box again, did we make any inside jokes?

Emily, happy birthday prez (forever and ever)!

LPB, man you need to bring yourself a point and shoot or make that NIKON shit happen. I'm really excited for you, I know I made fun of you a little last night but it's all in jest. I WAS really happy to see you but Tony was stealing my asians thunder with Lee so I had to go sulk and make fun of LaurHT and Kelsbaby instead. Which reminds me, Kels you owe me a save from a boring conversation. I know you're creeping up to Ottawa this weekend (by the by apparently I use too much Oakville slang so from here on it, I'm going to try and tone it down... only for a girl right?) but I'll see you SOON because you're leaving June. I know you've been busy with some mad shit, and I've been busy skating and still weeping about my Macbook, but I think I'm in the last stage of breaking up, which is acceptance. However soon I will be reunited. This post was a lot longer than expected and it's already becoming shit. Gotta break out, stay beautiful!

And the man himself...

Sunday, May 10, 2009

#31: I guess no 100th video post

i decided to post just like you told me to, and we'll post a video eve
ntually using my macbook or something. I haven't been up to much lately, I got my job in BC so i'll be heading out there June 16th/maybe 17th. I haven't booked my flight yet, but I found this really sick site for flights in Canada. Check it out for sure, and come visit me. My job is a high ropes instructor, which is this:

Pretty sick huh? I'm going to be legit showing kids the ropes on an island all summer. I'm really stoked!

I've also completely stopped reading and now am obsessed with it's basically like fml, but with texts messages usually with drunk people and it's so hilarious. I submitted one between Alison and I from the other night but I don't think it made it onto the site. I'm 613:

If you can't read that because my screencap was too small its this:
(705) I just convinced a girl she peed herself.
(613) Ew.
I don't know I thought it was pretty hilarious. Maybe my sense of humor sucks now.

And I got twitter. I feel like it could be pretty sick if everyone used it, but I think everyones too facebook obsessed. I've been hating on facebook lately, I barely go on anymore.

thats it for now, i'll post again soon when I think of something more exciting
tam where are you! are you skateboarding??


Sunday, May 3, 2009


My macbook pro is being held hostage by my neighbour because I put his macbook in the dryer and now it is in 30 pieces. Will have it back in a month maybe, soon as I can replace it. Updates will be sporadic. Will do a #100 at Serenas though.

Love to my friends,

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

#30: POST 99

I decided to share with our readers for post 99 something I found hilarious today. My younger brother Paul is 13 years old. He likes video games, talking to me on msn when I'm upstairs and he's downstairs, and cats. Here's me and him handling our cat Ginger, and some extra pictures:

 He is in the 7th Grade, and when Paul gets in trouble in class, his teacher writes something called a discipline report.  I never had discipline reports, it's basically a double sided page that has the teachers information on the situation on the one side, and Paul's apology on the other side. I'm going to scan it when I get the chance because seeing it in real life is HILARIOUS, but for now I've typed it below. 

Page 1:
Pilgrim Wood Public School Discipline Report

Student Name: Paul P. Date: Apr. 29
Sent By: Kraus Class: 7-2 Time: 12:30
Homeroom Teacher: Branscombe

Please indicate the Inappropriate Behaviour/ Reason for Office Referral: 
[  ] Physical Aggression 
[x] Disruptive to Other in Class
[  ] Refusal to Work
[  ] Other (please specify) _______________

Details (Written by Teacher)
- not allowing the teacher to deliver instructions (yelling out/rapping songs)  

** Student Reflection and Response (on back):

Page 2:

Name: Paul  Class: 7-2

Resolution: What I did that has contributed to the problem. This is where you need to take responsibility for your actions.

Well, to be honest this is a complete and utter misunderstanding. This makes me mad and I have no complete say in this. SUPPOSEDLY, I cant argue about this or even say what my perspective of this is. This situation should not be interpreted as a discipline report, but a blue slip. I also never rapped i was on task, I simply asked a friend if they wanted to play "pinball" with someone after school when the teacher wasn't talking.

Restitution: This is where the consequences for your mistake is chosen. It is meant to help prevent the problem from happening again and help you make better choices. What are the consequences for this problem.

There should not be ANY consequences for this because I have not done anything bad since my last white slip/discipline report and this discipline report was out of the blue.

Reconciliation: This is the apology healing part. One or more people may be feeling hurt or upset because of this issue. What will you do?

I also don't what to apologize for because for the last time: I DIDNT do anything nor did I get a say

* * * * *

Obviously, this is one of the funniest things I have seen all day. Who knew kids in elementary school got to say their opinion! Last time I got in trouble with Residence Security they just write me up and send me fines in the mail. We need this white slip/blue slip/discipline report that your mom signs system in University (Carleton, take NOTES.) Especially since I can't see my grades because of some 219.00$ fine on my student record. 


LPB aka Serena

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

#55: doin' fifty five in the fifty four

Nice, I voted for dragons too. What's happening to all the voters?

The first poll we had 18, than the P-foods poll we crept down to 17, now this?

Anyways. I'm just glad that the red herring didn't win this time. In the docu-film when Olson asks Johnson if he believed in dragons, his answer was wait, what? And it cut to the next shot. Now I didn't include it in the poll because knowing you guys, it had a high probability of winning and that was not nearly as interesting as 'Yes'.
Figure A. Komodo dragon leg bite

I was at Olives, last night and we were watching LOST. With all the flashbacks happening the conversation turned to why girls always want to 'go back to the beginning' in relationships. I just want it to be like before! Girls, you need to watch Back to the Future nothing good happens when you go back to the beginning. You may find yourself in an uncomfortable situation with your parents trying to date you, you may find yourself playing for Chuck Berry's band (this one isn't necessarily bad) or you may even find yourself with an arch nemesis named Biff (this one sucks).

If I've learned anything from the movie trilogy is that going back to the beginning can't help us baby, it can only harm us.
Figure B. Michael J. Fox hoverboarding

Box, has been bugging (more like begging!) me to do a blog post about skateboarding and I haven't done one in a while so here it is Box. You can't beat the hoverboard, can you imagine front rockin' on this stick? You could front rock on an angry dragon.
Figure C. Kimmie with great insight

Well well, look at the time. Can someone tell LPB, to come down to the office? Val dropped off her lunch and she needs to come pick it up.

I can feel this blog post starting to suck already, it had potential I know, I know.

Keith Hufnagel is the founder of 'Huf' clothes. He skates. He's #1 skateboarder in the world.

Damn I wish I was #1 at something.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

#54: on episode 54 of entourage the guys go to CANNES FRANCE for the CANNES FESTIVAL

LPB, I think the best comment on Hypebeast was "is the bitch on the left pregnant?"

Robin, you're not a bitch and you're not pregnantanymore. Robin you're sweet, can I come over sometime to swim in my new swim shorts when Justine isn't there? I heard you're going to be drunk by 2 PM too, that's my kinda gal. Can't wait to see ya and the baby.

We're closing in on the TPOT's centennial post, so that is really sweet.

This has been my first sober moment since Friday (finished my religions exam) and the summer in Montreal has been snappin' (20 plus degree weather).

After religions I shotgunned a beer, started drinking and played mario kart (I think I posted something on TPOT too).


Next week we're going to have Tony from thelivesofgreatmen to come and do some guest posting, so stay stoked for that. As long as he doesn't post no 5000 word essays or outwits me on my own blog it'll be ok. I'm going to screen all his posts first to make sure he's not too funny.

I'm not drunk, why does everyone think I'm drunk. FUCK. Is this the new "tam is a dick" thing? If I learned anything from that whole dick stint, it's that I should probably come to terms with it fast. On the bright side at least I'm not a drunk. I hope the next "tam is a dick" thing is "tam looks on the bright side" I would be happy with that.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

#29: not funny


FIRST OF ALL, that drunk post you made was hilarious. I mean not drunk post. I really liked the drunk (not drunk?) video of you putting them on your head.

Also, I'm so happy to be done school and back in Oakville. You need to come back here asap. I broke the news to Val today that in reality, I'm going to buy a Nikon D90 with my credit line this summer and he needs to get over it. He just looked at me REALLY thoroughly unimpressed. 

I really like centering my posts.

AND I would like to defend myself about this ongoing Hypebeast joke. It isn't a joke because it is NOT funny. Creepers that look at my Facebook and then post pictures (like the ones below) of me on Hypebeast forums is not cool(moral of the story: boys don't be internet creepers. Just tell the lady how you feel.)

AND it was in the Jailbait forum. I am so not jailbait. If the creep who did it reads this and comes forward, I will bake you a batch of cupcakes and personally ice them...and then Tam Vu and I will probably beat you up.. unless you're huge. For the record, I was dressed up as Tila Tequila for a car rally, which is like a giant scavenger hunt across Oakville and you have to have themes. It was last summer, we were celebrity rehab or something. Next to me, Anna is Britney Spears in her prime.

I'm so happy about summer. I can't get over that I'm not going to have to think about anything for 4 months. When I said that to Johanne (my mom) today, she said I would have to think about work. I guess I really shouldn't tell her my Nikon D90 idea then.

LPB aka Serena

ps: my next post is going to be huge and all about Vans authentic Lo Pros.

Friday, April 24, 2009

#53: buddhism in sri lanka is different from buddhism in japan

Finished my exam, schools out for summer.

Here's some Winston to celebrate:

This kitten can even make the most grizzled of men awe in adoration. AWE FUCK.

Back in hometown in t-minus t-one week,


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

#52: i'm not drunk el

There's so much going through my brain right now, scatter brain. I need to draw a mind map.

Edit: I actually did it, but I don't have MSPAINT so I had to use photoshop which is good because I added imagery. I feel like it helped convey my thoughts.

I ripped my favourite jawns today and this made me very sad. But my deadline for Serena was looming (who knew she would be so strict!) and I knew I had to write, write whatever my little fingers were feelin' cause they were hot, hot, hot!. Now I know exactly what it feels like to be a writer for the New York Times.

Here are some pictures of my jeans and a video of me taking off my pants. If anyone knows of a good seamstress hold on tight to her, and I'll get my fingers to call your ears.

Ok LPB, you can post now. You're so nomnomnom (did I do this right?)

Tony, hey Tony when are you going to make my World Famous Top 5's? I'm rattled I'm not invited to your birthday party but at least leave me some dignity and let me do a hilarious Top 5 list. Trust me I'm going to out do myself, I can already see it now. The vision buddy, the vision.


Mia, do you read my blog? Just talk to me, just tell me, lets work it out baby.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

#28: coachella

Tam, we are going next year.
Steve Aoki, Lupe Fiasco and TV on the Radio were there, I would jizz in my pants.

LPB AKA serena

#27: I'm rockin' vans, i'm in the sand. I've got a redbull and vodka up in my hand

Well, it's a good thing it's raining in Ottawa. Not like it's almost summer or anything (thanks weatherman, dick.) Sipping wine thinking about summer. 

(this will be me in the summer, but with Vans on where my feet should be)

Things that need to happen for it to be summer:

- weatherman telling me it's +25

- poolside drinking

- [new] bathing suits

- summer tune: Kid Cudi - Superboo

I really like your poll Tam, I really like dragons and voted YES to existing. I like your red herring this time around too. Fraser was telling me the other day I should probably visit BC or something because it's filled with the kind of guys I like. Pat said he would take me there (maybe he will).

Yesterday, It was 4/20 and I spent most of the day celebrating. I made a shirt (pictures later), and went to Parliament Hill, where it's apparently legal on strictly that day.

erinn and I look cute in ray bans.

this post is lame.

LPB aka Serena

#51: TMNT

Turtles turn 25 today.

Monday, April 20, 2009

#50: half a century post

Half a century ago Pokemon didn't exist. Nor did the other mons, like Digimon, Supermon, or Chi chi mons.

My landlord wants me to pay for damages for some stupid shit I did to the common area.

I was drunk as fuck cooking my noodles to eat after coming in from a night out, and I knocked over a chair by accident. So I left it there thinking I'd get it later. 5 minutes elapsed and Manuel creeps into the room and starts flipping shit over because he sees the chair turned over. So I go over there and help him we flip the couches, place some sticks on the couches, put some chairs outside on the balcony and then Manuel gets the idea to pour soap all over the couches. Now we're just chillin, chillin, still chillin, I look up and there is a fucking camera.


I'm going to get a hold of the video later this afternoon and post it-- stay tuned.

Now, this weeks poll is taken from the Final Flare, where Young Olson asks Old Johnson if he "Believes in Dragons," the question was never answered and so here we stand.

Do you believe in dragons?

- Yes

- No

I watched the 25th Hour last night by Spike Lee. I'm a huge Spike Lee fan, but the montage about stereotypes that was found in Do the Right Thing (by Spike Lee), seemed forced in this movie. The acting was pretty on point but the movie moved slowly. I liked it, but if someone asked me to recommend them something good I wouldn't point them this way.

LPB, I wasn't lurking they were making so much noise, like... "OUUUEEEE, OUUUUEEE then EEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH."

Saturday, April 18, 2009

#26: head


As girls, i'm usually not concerned about the above lurker as I team pee.

Just saying.
Here's a picture of me here, about to team pee with some friends:

That's during frosh. I must have been real drunk if I was going to pee in public.

Anyways, here is my contribution to things on peoples head week:

or a cat with a hat?

Lil Pho Bowl
aka Serena

#49: ask me for pics

As girls,

Do you think about where you'll end up after you drink your tequila,
like the dark alleyway under my balcony?
screaming and yelling,

team pee, team pee, team pee,

and lining up against the wall, team peeing

with your cameras flashing, and mine as well

Drunk girls are crazy

The theme for this week are people with things on their heads. LPB kicked it off nicely with Shia from Even Stevens fame (love(d) that show).

Here's my contribution tonight:

Some of my favourite things are in this picture.
  1. hats
  2. kittens
  3. jean jackets
  4. the mole milky way (just kidding i love this picture).
LPB, see you in the hometown soon so we can get it snapping for my birthday party. introduce that new new superboo to the home folks. also on a grimmer note i'm about to double double you, watch out.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

#48: cuddle this, cuddle that

Winston takes a nap.
From Crailtap

#47: tam supertramp

Firstly, what happened to my missing voter? We had 18 last week!

Secondly, the red herring wins again. Pussy. You guys are die hards, what about like poutine, and pasta, and PIZZA, like what happens if you hit a cold spell, what are you going to eat at 2 in the morning. Whoever voted for pho hit me up and I'll take you (2) for Pho 88. (seriously)

Thirdly, I've been sick and studying, I'll be back shortly.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

#46: kittens

Fans of The Passion know that we love and appreciate kittens.

Everyone, please welcome...


(kitten from the crailtap)

Stay tuned, for this weeks new theme... later this evening.

#25: Guess Who??

Shia Lebeouf is obviously convinced he is so popular that it is necessary to put a bag on his head. Apparently he has a hand injury, and not enough money to afford the American healthcare system, in which he took matters into his own hands (PUN INTENDED) and put a bag on his head as well. Sorry Shia, your acting in every movie/tv show you've done is the same, you're not famous enough for a bag head yet.

photo courtesy of

#45: free porno on fridays at the Love Shop in Bronte

LPB, you dick!

(who is that behind you? Looks like Fyfe. Fyfe is that you???)

a.) nice va-jay-jay analogy after my passive-aggressive attack on blogs

b.) Will it blend?
OFCOURSE IT WILL FUCKING BLEND HAHAHAHHAHAA. Dude when did you get more hilarious than me? I think Eli said it best when trying to describe our blog. "It's like... it's like an ongoing conversation between them."

c.) dude. I need to clear up this crush thing once and for all. I fell in crush with your skateboard, you were just like the appetizer, the salad. Just imagine, you could have been a super boo, skating is sick, body is dope

I think you should start skating again, but skate mini ramp. There is this bar that opens up their mini every Wednesday night where people get drunk, land tricks, and mess with chicks. Anyways, one of the chicks you don't mess with (she's kinda cute) is super sick at skating mini, like so fucking gnarly and tight I love it (the more I think about it the more it makes the blood rush to my penis).

We're building a mini in a garage in guelph, and I don't take 'No' for an answer (I hope these aren't early signs of becoming a rapist).


These are the fucking HEYDAYS (you know I wasn't saying nom nom when this picture was being taken, so why are you?). Getting so fucked up every night and RACER BIKING HOME. Are you serious? Do you want to see my bike? Have I shown you my bike yet? Dude, I've just realized something. I've picked up way more chicks (1) with my bike than I have on a skateboard (0), Colin Reinholt you're so damn lucky bro.

#24: Will it Blend?

Of course it will fucking blend. Blendtrec blenders run shit. 

Also, Jack introduced me to an even sicker show on Discovery Channel than myth busters called Time Warp that shows EVERYTHING in slow motion. Check it out on youtube, because the video won't let me take the embed code (lame).


PS: for you perverts who only came for the nude pics in the facebook status; sorry i just wanted to get you to look here. heehehe!

#44: rocket powered unicorns

Wow. Anyone that knows me, knows that I know, noses.

And Mythbusters. Come over to my pad at 5 in the afternoon? You know what's playing.

I'm at your house? You know what channel I'm slowly creeping to.

Wait for the slow motion, it's NUTS. You can tell Adam is legit stoked to flip the switch.

nom nom nom

#23: The first skateboard i ever had was Eric Koston


Deshon was being a dickhead this morning (taking after you obviously), and said i don't even post on this blog. Now I am taking time out of my education to post on it because I obviously hate studying for english. 
Eric Koston was on my first deck, it was an orange, white and green mesh of colours, and it was a Girl. I remember going to Hustler and dropping 2.5 bills of Executive Pho Bowl's (Val ie: my dad) money on it, only for it to get stolen out of my connected garage, along with Pat's Andrew Reynolds deck.

(this is Eric Koston, for those who didn't catch on)

Ah yes, those were the days where i used to skateboard in the back of T.A Blakelock in a skirt and Tam had a crush on me (disclaimer; tam is not actually related to me in anyway and I also just spilled one of his dirty little secrets). Apparently I still do skateboard when I'm drunk. Maybe I should start making it a reality again when I'm sober? (View poll on the side)
The days where I looked like this:

and this:

And Tam still looks like this:

Well, now that we got the Grade 10 and 11 flashback out of the way, I can fully let everyone know that it is officially 12 degrees in Ottawa today (and sunny !) which means that summer needs to start for me and the weather better keep getting better.
Also, I always wonder why looks like this always get 28937428374 hypes on

I don't understand where this is stylish, I really hope not everyone looks like they've wrapped a black vagina around their head in Copenhagen (apparently this is where she's from).